- Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get. – Ingrid Bergman
- Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like. – Will Rogers
- You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. – Winston Churchill
- There are two ways to be rich: One is by acquiring much, and the other is by desiring little. – Jackie French Koller
- Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. – George Bernhard Shaw
- If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to meet it. – Jonathan Winters
- Think big and don’t listen to people who tell you it can’t be done. Life’s too short to think small. – Tim Ferriss
- The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. – David Ogilvy
- Never waste a minute of your precious life by squandering it thinking about people you don’t like. – Unknown
- When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. – Thomas Jefferson
- I have been rich and I have been poor. I know which one I prefer. – Sir Michael Caine
- People don’t believe in ideas. They believe in people who believe in ideas. – Unknown
- Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead
- I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. – Bill Cosby
- Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. – Steve Jobs
- The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. – Napoleon Hill
- Happiness is an inside job. – William Arthur Ward
- Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. - Aristotle
- Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world. - Miguel de Cervantes
- If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves. - Thomas Edison
- Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. Its a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing. – Muhammad Ali
- Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible. – Audrey Hepburn.
I love a short joke, oneliners are to jokes what haiku is to poetry. I like to tweet oneliners every now and then, if you follow me on Twitter you know this. Some of these tweets go down well and others get the tumbleweed response. This list is based on the oneliners that fared best on Twitter for me (most retweets and comments), so they have been tried and tested. Feel free to steal them and use yourself, just like I have stolen them from other people on Twitter, Facebook, Google Plus and everywhere else on the internet.
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- My most frequent lie: I’ve read and agree to the Terms and Conditions.
- Nobody’s a virgin… Life screws us all.
- Don’t marry a tennis player – love means nothing to them.
- A jury consists of 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
- Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier.
- If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn’t succeed either.
- Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
- Did you know that age is an issue of mind over matter? If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
- A résumé should be like a skirt, long enough to cover the basics, short enough to keep them interested…
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If it wanted to, it would be a bar.
- An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
- What do you call a chav in a box? Innit.
- What do you call an eskimo chav? Innuit.
- What the average man wants to get out of his new car is the kids.
- Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
- Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
- Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
- Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you’ll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
- Did you ever notice that the evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
- A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
- Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.
Do you have more oneliners to add to the list? Please let me know in the comments or just tweet me!
More wisdom over at the Top 10 Personal Branding Quotes from People Who Made It.
Here’s a list of Personal Branding quotes NOT from the usual suspects of Personal Branding experts but from people who have achieved remarkable things and built up great brands. Please add any more you can think of in the comments section!
- “Your brand is what people say about you when you’re not in the room” - Jeff Bezos, Founder of Amazon
- “All of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called You.” - Tom Peters in Fast Company
- “Your premium brand had better be delivering something special, or it’s not going to get the business.” - Warren Buffett, Investor and philantropist
- “Personal branding is about managing your name — even if you don’t own a business — in a world of misinformation, disinformation, and semi-permanent Google records. Going on a date? Chances are that your “blind” date has Googled your name. Going to a job interview? Ditto.” - Tim Ferriss, Author of the 4-Hour Work Week
- “Branding demands commitment; commitment to continual re-invention; striking chords with people to stir their emotions; and commitment to imagination. It is easy to be cynical about such things, much harder to be successful.” - Sir Richard Branson, CEO Virgin
- “It’s important to build a personal brand because it’s the only thing you’re going to have. Your reputation online, and in the new business world is pretty much the game, so you’ve got to be a good person. You can’t hide anything, and more importantly, you’ve got to be out there at some level.” - Gary Vaynerchuk, Author of Crush it!
- “If I lost control of the business I’d lose myself–or at least the ability to be myself. Owning myself is a way to be myself.” - Oprah Winfrey, Television mogul
- “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernhard Shaw, Author
- “Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” - Malcolm Forbes, Publisher
- “Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken”. - Oscar Wilde, Author and Playwright
Related: The Best Career Quotes of All Time.
Do you ever share quotes on Twitter? Irene Koehler asked this on Twitter the other day and it got me thinking a bit. We all follow tweeters that keep churning out great quotes, some from other people and some from themselves. I seldom tweet quotes on Twitter myself but I do see the value in doing it.
Why share quotes on Twitter?
Quotes tend to get retweeted quite a bit, almost 30% of all retweets are quote-related. Why is this? Could be because there is no link to share and therefore no need to check out the link first and judge whether to share; what you see is what you get with quotes.
Furthermore, Twitter is well suited for quotes as most of them will be shorter than 140 characters and followers want to see quick snippets of wisdom, wit and genius.
Your own quotes
The best way to share quotes on Twitter is obviously to come up with them yourself. People like Scott Gainsburg and Malcolm Levenehave got this down to a tee, they continuously pump out great pearls of wisdom and food for thought. Where do they get all this stuff from? Nobody knows, they just seem to have and endless supply of inspiration coming their way. Which makes Twitter, the conversational platform, the perfect outlet I would say.Here’s food for thought from Malcolm:
Here’s Scott getting us thinking:
Look up quotes
If you don’t feel that inspired, you can get a book on quotes or even just on one person’s quotes (I got great a Churchill quote book for Christmas, it’s huge as you can imagine).When you do start looking up quotes you’ll also noticed them more all around you. Whenever you read a good quote in the paper, hear it from someone or see it in a film – use it to your advantage on Twitter.
Another way would be to Google your way to quotes, there are plenty of quotes directories such as the Quoations Page. These sites will index quotes by the person, topic, theme and purpose.The final tip on how to look up quotes is to actually search for them on Twitter! A bit cheeky yes, but if you put in the hashtag #quote or #quotes you’ll find loads of great quotes all served up on a plate. If you want to narrow down the search results, put a keyword like ‘funny’ or ‘inspirational’ in the search string.
The automated way
Although I would highly recommend that you tweet quotes that actually mean something to you and hopefully evokes some type of emotion with others, you can also go down the automated route. If you’re short on time and still want to be quoting away on Twitter, you can always use an automated service like Tweet-Quotes.com that will do if for you.
Just like with any automation online, I wouldn’t recommend this unless your really know what you’re doing. Please bear in mind that it’s easy to lose that human touch and come across as another spam bot.
My plan of action
I love quotes and tend to retweet clever ones I come across. For some reason I haven’t really been sharing many quotes, not even my own… The plan is to tweet a quote per day, preferably something witty. Keep an eye out at @JorgenSundberg for my progress and do let me know if my quotes are lame!
Do you like reading quotes on Twitter? Do you tend to retweet them?